Inflammatory rhetoric on heels.

Word on the street today is that there's a gonna be a fire drill. A chinese fire drill! No not really, just the regular kind. That means walking down 28 floors with a million other people and today I am wearing heels. Prosthetic heels. I've needed them ever since I lost my own in an unfortunate juicing accident so it's a good thing I wore them today what with needing to go down all those stairs. Hardy har har. I'm wearing high heels. The one pair I own that I only wear when I feel I need to do penance for all my sins.

I wore them yesterday too and thought to myself, these are a stupid thing for upright, human beings to wear. They do look good so maybe only people in wheelchairs should wear them. They can have them look good but not require the shoes to actually function. DAMN, high heels suck. They really are aesthetically appealing, I get that, but no go on the whole, needing to actually walk issue. I'm sure there are seasoned high heel wearers who claim it's just a matter of knowing how and getting used to it and that they won't even take a pee in the middle of the night without slipping on their heels, but I think getting used to wearing high heels is like getting used to being a hunchback or having an 5 inch rusty nail stuck in your skull. It can be done but why do it if not necessary? So why AM I doing it?

I bought them because I didn't have a pair and I thought it might be fun to try every once in a while, plus they look awesome. I paid enough money for them that now, even with the understanding that they suck for walking in, I have to wear them to get some damn use out of them. They aren't like a sweater or a pair of pants I can tear apart and make something new with. I argued with T that he shouldn't be too judgemental about the retardedness of people that totter around on them. Girls just want to have fun and all that, but I would have to defer to him on this one, now that I've tried it out.

So the moral of the story is: Don't bypass the engine room with your bucket of water during a fire, especially if you are wearing heels because then you will be a double stupe. see: chinese fire drill

I never knew what the heck a Chinese fire drill meant until today and now I see that it was coined by patronizing jerks, yes that's right, the British. They produce great comedy, music, literature and racism, all stuck together on that little island with their British teeth and damp wallpaper. And yes I do see the irony of this paragraph.