Wondering about Don Knotts.

Whew, what absolutely rotten weather we've been having. Humid, humid, rain, humid. The weeds are growing like monsters in my garden as I helplessly watch through the window. For some reason, there's also a phantom patch where nothing will grow. A big huge patch of dirt in the middle. I've tried planting things in that spot 3 times this year. Only one lowly beet shot out some leaves that were promptly nibbled by some insect. Maybe when I stop feeling like I'm on a rocky boat all the time, I'll get out there and whip the garden back into shape.

I did manage to do the dishes yesterday. The bile was in my throat the whole time but I did it. I even cooked soup. Normally, just looking at the kitchen makes me want to throw up. I think maybe, I might be feeling better soon?

On the very plus side, we went to the midwife friday and heard a heartbeat for the first time. That was intense. The midwife was very pleasant and encouraging and gave me crackers to eat. What doctor does that? No doctor that I've ever met. The bed you lay down on for an exam is a real bed. Comfy. Best of all, you get to test your own pee. It's true. They show you how to use their pH strips and hold them up against a chart to check for blood sugar and other things I don't remember. Plus, it's like going to french school because she doesn't speak english. Forces me to exercise my french muscle.

In closing, I have this to say about Michael Jackson. He was alright. Let's move on now though. Dude became crazy and did a whole lotta drugs, no big mystery. People should have had plenty of time to mourn the cool little dude, he used to be as he's been the walking undead for many years now. Is Don Knotts still alive? That's what I want to know.

Curses! My hind tooth for a library!

Wow, I was able to actually go for a tiny walk today. I've been sequestered, more or less, in this wee house for what feels like an eternity. I continue to endure perpetual sea-sickness without the sea. Do you know what is not fun? Throwing up.

Anyhoodle, I went for a little walk this morning to the dam near our house. It's pretty there. I took the stairs from the bridge, down to the ground so I could go sit on a rock near the water, but was stopped short by the stench of death. Someone had left some sort of dead animal in garbage bag that had been torn open. I didn't see it at first, I think I walked right past it and thought, what are teenagers getting up to in here? It reeks! Are they pooping in the bushes? Then coming back I saw it and realized. Thanks universe, for that vote of encouragement on my first attempt to venture outside in a while.

I won't even go into detail about the phone conversation I had with the department responsible for collecting dead animals. The secretary kept insisting that I must give her a street address for the bridge. It's a bridge! No street address, it's the only bridge over the only dam, damnit! Then she wanted to know, did I leave the dead animal in a garbage bag? Sigh.

I didn't really know it was possible to feel nauseous in your forehead, but that is exactly where it is generated for me. The body is a very strange thing.

And why is it that potato chips are the only thing that is consistently appetizing? Is that what nature wants me to do? Eat potato chips? If so, I must humbly obey.

The bonus is, when I do think of something that sounds edible, it turns out to be the most delicious thing in the history of time while I'm eating it. Then, as soon as I'm done, I never want to even hear it's name again. Whatever it is becomes instantly inedible. Why just 10 minutes ago, I ate a delicious green apple. Now, just typing the words is about as unappetizing as Satan's pee in a dirty cup.

You know what I miss most in this here part of the world? A decent library. One thing that's always saving grace for shut-ins, is a decent library. Even if you just pop in to get free movies and books, which I could use pretty bad. For some reason though, even if you don't feel that great, going to the library is still an option. So quiet and cool, with comfy chairs to sit in. Bloody Deux-Montagnes and it's rotting animal corpse terrain. There is a library here, about as big as my bathroom (not very big) with about 3 English books and it's open for 5 minutes every second decade. I hyperbolize ever so slightly of course, but it is true that the library here stinks. So poop on them. Satan's pee in a dirty cup for you Deux-Montagnes.

I hope you aren't eating or drinking lemonade, dear reader.

Immortalized (in short doc form)

Hey hey,

The college documentary about Portland is finished with some little clips of our wedding in the Voodoo Donut segment. Neat-o!

YESSSSS!!!!

I hate to rub it in Detroit Red Wings, but IN YOUR FACE!! Pittsburgh took the cup and it was so awesome. I've been following them all season hoping, hoping, hoping the young ones could take the cup from the phillistines know as the red wings. Ok, detroit play strong hockey, but they are brutes. It was so painful last year, seeing the Pens fight so hard right to the end and lose it. Sweet sweet victory was delivered this year. It was tense to the very last second, oh my yes, it caused T and I a great deal of stress. Way to go Pittsburgh! Snoochie boochies!

Pass the antacids, and the Dutchie on the left hand side.

Well, well, look who hasn't raised a knuckle in 8 million years to recount her daily dainties. That's the new word for life story bits. Dainties. Have I told you my dainties this week? Got any good dainties for me? etc.

It's pouring, pouring, pouring and it doesn't feel a teeny bit like June or summer. I've been quite inactive lately, other than being an incubator for a genetic experiment of the human variety, in other words, pregnant. I don't care for that word at all for some reason. It sounds so...afflicted. Although, it has been putting a stop to my already low level of productivity I must admit. I've been the sort of exhausted where even lying down, perfectly still feels like a thousand times too much effort. I smell things the way a microscope zooms in on a cell. For a while there, if T came too close, I swear, I could smell his spleen. This makes the kitchen a room of torture and cooking and eating truly unpleasant. Doing the dishes actually makes me vomit, so no change there but seriously folks...

I am not yet at the "magical" 3 month mark, I'm 3 weeks away from that, so I throw caution to the wind , or give suspicion the deluxe finger or something like that by speaking of being "embarked on propagation of the species", as it were.

Millions of things could wrong at any moment now or in the future or everything could be fine. Either way, it's pretty much beyond my control, outside of normal care, so why hide it, is what I think. Especially since little else is occurring as a result of my "afflicted" state. I'm soooo tired!!!!! Did I mention how tired I was?

So much to consider: Do we have to move? Buy shares in Microsoft? Grow a moustache? Will any of it help?

Meanwhile, I am here, drifting through each day like a limbo ghost, while my body does it's own thing. It's like: "Hey M, this is your hormones here, we got to do some work so you'll be locked out for a while, we got blood volume to increase and we got to hoist your uterus up to a new location, could take a while, probably will crowd out the stomach and the bladder, you'll feel that in the form of hella peeing and burping... you might as well just lay down on the couch for the next couple months and forget about contributing to society."

"Oh, ok, so will everything work out?"

"Maybe."

"Okey dokey then."

So that's where I am. Even bags make me want to puke. (They've probably been making you want to puke for a while now.) Too bad I'm not into online gaming or stock investing or something that would pass time with little physical effort. I hate TV, reading has become tricky because I think I need glasses dammit!, and I don't even care about real punctuation anymore. An exclamation followed by a comma. Shocking disregard for form. Grammar slammer hammer!.,,:

So will I become an endless bore as I continue the random formation of a human? Probably. "Become?" you say. Ha ha, aren't you funny.



While we're at it:









For a truly mindblowing experience, play them all at once.