Smells like teen lemon cleaner.

I had some time to kill after eating lunch so I went to the department store across the street. Normally, I run through the perfume section like it's a tuberculosis ward, but I had been talking with my sister about her new favourite perfume, so I thought it topical to see what's happening with the world of fragrance these days. The last time I bought or even glanced at perfume I was 15. I bought Coco. Wore it for a few years. Still like that one to be perfectly honest.

Anyway. I noticed that they now have elaborate ways of testing the scents. All the designers have their little sample things you can spray on to test their perfumes out instead of sectioning off your arm with a million different perfumes, like in the the olden days of my youth. For instance, Sarah Jessica Parker's has a little grey ribbon to spray it on. Calvin Klein has dried out beaver intestines, whatever...

So apparently, some of them (all of them maybe?) are pre-sprayed. I made the grave mistake of spraying one kind of Calvin Klein on a piece of paper that had been pre-sprayed with another of his perfumes but I had tried sniffing it first, before spraying and couldn't smell anything so..so the counter lady found this abhorrent.

She grabbed it out of my hand in horror saying "That one's already sprayed with another scent!" and then sprayed the right one for me while I was muttering that I didn't think it mattered because it seemed strong enough to win against any smell. I muttered all of this in pretty bad french so she switched to english to say, in a very exasperated, drawn out and pained way that: "It's not that strong.", as if to say, shut-up and like it, what do you know about perfume bad french speaker? You can't even test them right!....I replied to her quite vehemently, after pronouncing an initial, gut reaction "Eyuchh!" that, "Yes it is strong, actually. Quite strong. It smells like bargain store, lemon cleaner." Then I laughed and handed her stupid scent paper back. She looked shocked, which is really lame, but I guess she expected to me to feel shamed into bowing to her superior perfume knowledge or something.

So that was that, I sniffed a few more of the weird, cheap ones that were on sale like Essence of Dirt and Eau De Grilled Cheese but the headache came fast and strong from all the goddamn fakey smells and I fled, into the night. Or rather, into early afternoon...

I'm sitting here with a million chemical scent's adhered to my DNA now, with the most pounding headache. I've washed my hands but I can't get rid of it all! I'd almost rather smell pee. Hmm...I wonder if that's the antidote, like when you get a jelly fish sting.

That's all I need, to be caught in the bathroom by some lady from the new office across the hall, who have, by the way, turned the bathroom into a complete pig sty. Have I mentioned this already? It makes me so mad! Just sit on the damn seat? If you all didn't hover above it and piss all over it, we could all sit on it. What are you afraid of? Leg germs? I don't know how they do it, but I tend not to sit with my vulva or asshole directly on the seat. I figure that's what the hole in the seat is for so why are they so paranoid to have their legs touching where someone else's legs have touched? And don't even get me started on not flushing. Man, do NOT be fooled by chicks all done up in make-up and heels. They tend to be some of the dirtiest, seat-pissing, non-flushers around. Anyway, so I was almost caught kissing my "guns" when one of them walked in the other day. I was checking out my muscles and thought it would be funny to do (it was!). Point is, I don't need to be caught pissing on myself to get rid of perfume smell, is all.

The end.