Thursday, December 07, 2006

A big bucket for the vomit.

It's barely 9am. So far:
-Reading on the train, a novel so sad. Feeling it like it's happening.
-A contened looking man, absorbed by his muffin, on his way down the escalator.
-Tiny, tiny raindrops, barely visible, melting all the snow.
-A bright, new, red leather chair through the window, in the empty lobby of a street level office.
-A woman, working alone in a currency exchange depot, staring at her Starbucks take-out cup.
-My own peacock blue gloves glowing in my periphery vision against the grey of everything else.
-An exchanged glance of weariness while waiting for the elevator going up.


What a shitty week. All because of one stupid thing. I shan't elaborate. I won't even hint at the nature of it as my new strategy, on which I am working hard, is to just let it go. I'm not very good at that. Each daily injustice, of which there are many, wether it be personal or global, tiny or grand, burns me. Flaming, flaming fire of injustice and I just keep thinking that there is some way! I need to let it go. It's the balance. Knowing when to fight and how much. I can't become apathetic or timid which is impossible for me. I must learn to balance the fight with life. Think of good ole Kenny singing it in your head: " You got to know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em."
Damn straight. Who wrote that for real? Surely not Kenny Rogers. My dad would know. Must make a point to ask.

Can you read between the lines?-the fire that is burning through, almost to my finger tips. Wanting to lament, lament, lament and counter all my efforts. "Lies!" my fingers want to type. "Never give up! Destroy yourself before giving in!Injustice!Injustice!, Injustice!". I need poison control. I know when to fold'em I just can't make my brain beleive me.

I think I just don't drink enough. Booze is the answer! Maybe I'll start drinking at work. A big bottle of hooch on my desk and a big bucket for the vomit.

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