There is Light That Will Never Go Out

Well well, someone hasn't been keeping you very informed. Didn't you hear? I'm quitting my damn job. Let's just say depression and bad PMS, plus a tenacious and perhaps foolish propensity toward idealism has brought months and months of deep dissatisfaction to a breaking point. Let's not linger long on this rut of a topic. The short story is, I gave notice. I will be done, at the latest, by mid December.

Onward and upward hopefully. Onward and sideward or onward and downward are more likely, but let's keep hope fresh, shall we?

I have purchased a lamp for light therapy at great expense in the hopes that it will help to keep me from falling apart all together, as is my wont. The fall is so bittersweet. I love the crisp air and coloured leaves and the cooling days, but with it, comes a deepening depression from the change in light.

Yesterday, sitting on a park bench overlooking the river, I saw the shining leaves of huge trees framing the the sparkling waves on the water and felt a cool fresh breeze tempering the warmth of the bright sun. I explained to T that I could see intellectually, it was all so pretty and lovely, but emotionally, I was completely numb to it's pleasure. As if I was a ghost or a machine. A sad ghost or a sad machine.

Let's hope that light, in front of my eyes each day and light, at the end of a long, boring work tunnel, will help that to change.

Meanwhile, having to sit in front of a lamp for a half hour first thing each morning, does give a person a pretty good excuse to draw while they are doing so. So may I introduce the new feature to my blog, of a light therapy induced drawing a day.
I have no specific goal in mind, nor do I claim that these drawings will have any merit. They are what they are, so let's see if we can dig it. Here's the very first one.