Ready or not, it's nearly time to rock.

Eyuch. I made the worst pancakes this morning. I've been successfully making a rice flour pancake for a while and today I made it, for the first time, with homemade rice flour. I don't know if that was the problem or, more likely, that I forgot to put the baking powder in until they were already mixed. Either way, I had to make them like scrambled eggs. They wouldn't hold together so I had to just keep scrambling them and pressing them until they cooked into blob shaped, slabs of unrisen batter. The taste is still okay but the texture...leaves something to be desired.

I would have just dumped it and made more, but it was the last of my baking powder. In olden times, (ie a year ago) I could have hopped on the bike and trekked to the grocery store. Now, just getting up off the couch requires a helping hand from T. I try to use inertia to get up, whereby I swing my upper body back and forth a couple times in the hopes that it will eventually propel me forward enough to be able to stand, but it doesn't work anymore. Even just rolling over in bed requires that face that participants in the Strongest Man in the Universe make when they are trying to pull a truck with their teeth. Why are the men who win that always named Magnus?


Which leads me to my next point: I am going to have a baby in a matter of weeks (anywhere from 3-6 weeks) and it is completely, utterly, astoundingly blowing my mind. It is hitting me in a way where I can see it coming like a tidal wave waaaay out in the sea. I'm standing on the shore and I can see it's power and understand that is going to plow into me, knock me ass over tea kettle, as my Grandmother says, immerse me and pull me back out into the wide open sea.

A detached part of me is watching it coming and thinking: "Wow, that's big, really powerful and big. That wave is going to change my life." Yet, even though I see how massively things are about to change, my brain just can't fully comprehend it, having never been hit by a tidal wave before. My brain is trying really hard to process it, but it's more or less at a loss.

Luckily, I'm a big fan of the sea. I'm rooted to the shore, waiting for the wave. There's no running in the opposite direction, nor do I feel the urge to. But my whole psyche is bracing itself, trying to see if I have the courage to dive headfirst into the wave as it comes.

Having children seems so common place when you see it around. People have kids, millions of them everyday, all over, throughout time. Should be no biggy right? Well, millions of people die and always have and everyone will, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept or understand or process when it happens to your world. Birth, death, life itself: The most normal things in that they happen to everyone without exception, yet understanding any of them?...

I don't know. It really makes a gal stop and think. A whole live human being is the result of this endeavour. One that will rely on T and I to look after it and be it's guardians for the rest of all of our lives. For a while, it felt like the being pregnant part was going to go on endlessly. But it ain't. Soon, it will be a whole new scene.

I am stoked. Scared. Fascinated and mystified. Getting ready to rock. And so it shall be.