C'mon Barbie, let's go party.

That bloody Barbie song played on the radio a few days ago and I've had it in my head ever since and now so do you! Why should I suffer alone? Share my pain.

Here's who else is annoyed: squirrels. At least the squirrels around here for the past few weeks. They've been making that HWEEEEEK HWEEEEEEK HWAAAAAUUCK sound they make when they are angry. I heard one doing it in the big tree in front of our house for a good 20 minutes. I finally went out to look and it was staring right at me, like it was waiting for me. As if it was sitting in the tree all that time calling to me in squirrel language: "Melissa! Get your friggin arse out here. We got us some business to settle. Have you or have you not been stealing my nuts???".

"I have my own damn nuts and I don't need to be stealing no squirrel booty. Chill the frig out!", is what I told him.

My parents were here, working their buttocks off fixing stuff around our place that we suck too much at fixing ourselves. We now have shelves in our shed, a kick-ass new extended and non-rotting, can step on it without falling through porch, a washer that doesn't threaten to leap to freedom across the room and out the window every time it goes through the spin cycle and a kitchen tap that doesn't leak.

Must remember to never ever by a "fixer-upper" house since we are both quite unmotivated to tackle these sorts of things. Must also remember to win a lottery to ever be able to buy any kind of house to begin with, fixer-upper or no.

About 20 minutes after my parents left for home, another province away, a pipe broke below our house and flooded the bathroom and under our house. I don't want to re-live the whole thing. Let's just say a few key phrases to sum up:
inches of water in bathroom, no one else home, 6 months pregnant hunched over in crawlspace full of dirt and spiders and buckets full of water leaking trying to turn off main valve, didn't work, flooded for an hour before anyone could get here, soaked, stressed, freaking out, plumber comes, leaves door open, can't find cat, soaked stressed, still sore from hunching and carrying buckets on top of frantically running around looking for cat, cat inside the whole time, pregnant lady at end of her rope!

We ended up having to go to an emergency trip to midwife, and take a cab there since it was last second. It's in another city! About a half hour away. Everything is fine, but let's just say I need to learn real fast about how to relax better.

I've been trying for years and years to learn to be less anxious and prone to being extra tense and worried. I talk about it in therapy constantly! Well, turns out, too much of that during pregnancy can create problems of early labour. If I didn't have a good enough reason before (ie: personal happiness, which should be a good enough, reason, but tell it to my brain), I certainly have a good reason now. I had already talked about the problem with the midwife before the -flood in the house day- happened. I was already in the process of trying very seriously to learn to relax more, when all hell broke loose. Wake-up call. That can't happen again. If the house explodes today, I will just go get some ice cream and read a magazine. It's a turning point. I simply can not go on, subjecting myself and now the safety of an unborn child to the pressure of anxiety, guilt, baggage, flooding bathrooms, injustice in the world etc, etc, etc.

I will have to finally learn how to be happier and that's the end of it. No more debate.

I try not to medicate with food, but last night, at the end of a day of stress, sogginess and no shower and 80 dollar cab rides and blah blah blah, I decided my dinner would be raw vegetables and chips with an entire container of dill flavoured dip. I ate the whole container! And wanted more after. So good. I've never done that before. I would do it again, I tell you.

Allow me to gush for a moment by saying that my husband has been incredibly unwavering in his ability to support me emotionally and physically with his inexhaustible energy to help, ever since, well since the day I met him really. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would all be without him.

I hope I don't yell too many insults at him during the moments of labour. I'll yell at the midwife instead. Tee hee.

Just in case this whole tale has made you forget:
click here!!!

Don't blame me! Blame the people involved in writing, recording and releasing the bloody song! Oh admit it! You love the song! You watched the whole video!

If you are extra unfortunate. You will remember that they actually had a bunch of songs after that one. All really really terrible. Like, really terrible. At least Barbie Girl is catchy (to say the least). The others are just awful. All with her singing some repetitive insipid hook and the weird bald dude, growling some danish-accented English spoken nonsense: "I am the candy man, coming from bountyland." What?! What does that mean? Does it make sense if you translate it into Danish? Or how about this: Girl sings: Roses are red, violets are blue, honey is sweet, but not as sweet as you,(barf) dum dum de dah de dum (insert ener-g drums)then bald dude's growled part: Come pick my roses. Uh,ok.

Actually, I think that every song on the album has a video. I think it was all masterminded by a Danish ad company (or just a plain old cheese danish? ha ha, I'm so funny). They marketed them with shiny videos and publicity spots just like they were selling insurance or chocolate bars.

Thanks Denmark. Good job. Yes, I blame ALL of Denmark. When you smell a fish, does it not come from there? Don't even get me started on that frigger Shakespeare. Ha ha, no seriously folks, Shakespeare is an OK guy. Can I get a round of applause for old Shakesy?

PS: Skullcap tincture. Amazing for sleeping, relaxation and possibly blog posts that are waaaaay tooooo long.