Glowing core of okayness.

Ahhhhh.

That's the sound of me uncoiling my tightly, uh, coiled psyche.

So how has it been, being unemployed, so far? Deeply, profoundly appreciated is one way to put it. Every couple of hours I feel myself un-clench a little more and think, wow, I'm really getting close to relaxed here. It's like getting in a hot bath that somehow, magically, gets more relaxing every few minutes, as if that initial feeling of "aaah, that's nice" keeps happening but makes you one layer more relaxed each time. It's very strange. Onion peels of tension and anxiety coming off one layer at a time.

I take nothing for granted. Sleeping in past 7am, having time to prepare breakfast, lunch AND dinner, seeing the afternoon light and being able to walk in it...

I've been keeping pretty busy. Tidying is a pleasing activity. I have time for it now. I've become quite efficient at building a fire (in the stove of course, I've not taken up pyromania(the disease or the Def Lepard album)), I'm learning to play a Bach Minuet (Menuet BWV anh. 16? I don't know what the hell any of those letters stand for) very very slowly, knitting certain things for certain people, playing with my spoiled and rambunctious kitten, and enjoying a snifter of brandy here and there. Not really that last one. I have rather developed a taste for Kahlua and vanilla soy milk though. Such a girl drink. I'm okay with that.

I have the tree decorated. It's tiny and high up on a shelf but still irresistibly tantalizing to kitten claws, so I had to stuff pillows around the base to keep him from accessing it. Does the job all the same. Oh evergreen, oh evergreen, how true are your boughs. (Oh, I'm also learning the words to O Tannenbaum in German. What a weird song.)



I'm getting there. I am learning to chill - slowly, slowly unwinding. I can feel a glowing little core underneath all the layers. Getting to it is a pretty decent feeling. Kiss my ass stress. Seriously, I've dealt with you enough for a long while now. I'm getting in this bath of free time and stress and guilt can kiss my ass.

So I'm going to go listen to Buck 65's new radio show on CBC and have some of that aforementioned Kahlua and continue knitting a certain item for a certain person...all while I get closer and closer to being okay. A warm, glowing okay.