Today is agonizing. It just is. Just the sort of day where you can't even believe you have to keep moving one foot after the other, carrying your thousand tonne body to work. Every step you think, why? then why? then why? Why do I keep propelling myself forward to that which destroys me? Why don't I just lay down here, in the middle of the walkway and go to sleep and maybe someone can just drag me out of the way. Why? they will ask. Or maybe they will already know.
Perhaps I am just weak. None of that hardy, working spirit. My job isn't difficult. It's just soooooo far away from what I wish I was doing and wonder if I'll ever be able to do. Soooooo faaaaar away. I am on Mars and the life I want is freezing and icing into oblivion on Pluto, not even a planet anymore. My life is on a rock formerly known as a planet, now stripped of it's title and cast outside of the circle of the other planets that obey the rules.
Cram it down and wait. Cram it inside as far as possible so that it's signal is nearly muted and deaden your senses and coast. Try not to hope because it opens the wound. Just shut-up and coast.
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