future spring of the past

We are all going to hell in a handbasket. It's January and it feels like late spring. I keep getting strong sense memories of past springs. Being in the present is next to impossible lately, I'm so overloaded with smell and feeling memories. 4 springs in particular keep popping up.

Spring #1: 7 years old, it's easter, I'm in my grandmother's backyard in my fancy dress and mary jane's. I'm full of chocolate and the wind is blowing and my coat is open and the sun is shining and I can smell warm, green leaves.

Spring #2: 27 years old,working part-time at a pottery shop and going to art college "full time", it's just before Valentine's day and I'm walking in my neighbourhood, down the Danforth in Toronto. It's still cold but sunny as hell. I'm going to the chocolate store to get chocolate covered oreos for my boyfriend at that time. I encapsulate my whole life at the time by feeling like i'm in the center of things, loved and not worried about money. I'm still a kid.

Spring #3: 30 years old, on "vacation"(pursuing a ridiculous long-distance romance).I'm in Amsterdam in the early evening, walking along a canal(of course), with the sun setting, forgetting for a moment how unhappy I am with the person I came with. Even though there's alot of people, it's seems sort of subdued. Everyone is talking quietly and moving gently along the street.

Spring #4: 31 years old, in my first apartment in Montreal. Just begun a new relationship I know will last. It's an old, old place but it's mine, my first apartment that's all mine in my whole life and it's got character oozing from every corner. It's saturday morning and me and T are in the kitchen in our pajamas eating toast. I'm looking out the backdoor window onto the balcony and the sun is shining like crazy. My cat Hoovy(RIP) is weaving in and around our ankles and we are full of possibilities for the day.

So yep.

Christmas was good. I went back home and I miss it now. I miss my family and an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time. Shout out to you P. I don't have any friends or family here in Montreal. Just me and my T, which is usually all I need, but I'm feeling a little bummed now. After being around everyone on my home turf, being back in Montreal feels like I'm far away.

New years was 100% uneventful. Never really gave much of a crap about new year's eve.

Now it's here, it's 2007, we are all going to burn and I can't keep my head out of the past, but so it is. So it shall be? Something to that effect.