Apes have feelings too.

Well, the mysterious ways of the universe unfold a new twist for my T and I. We have signed a new lease. We are moving out of Montreal into the country! A friggin detached winterized cottage on the lake. That's right, detached. NO NEIGHBOURS! Just a lake. Bloody hell if this doesn't do it for us, I don't know what will. We are going to be SO boring and it's going to be SO great. No going out, just staying in and watching the water, listening to insects and the wind rustling the leaves. Perhaps toddling off to the library or a lakeshore walk when the urge strikes. Obviously, we will continue worshipping satan...
So what's the catch, there's always a catch. Well, I mean there are other people living around but we don't share walls with them. It is distinctly possible that we will freeze to death in the winter but we are hardy. Plus there is a wood stove(also highly pleasing to me). We will warm ourselves by the fire and eat roasted tofu dogs like old-timey times. Uh and ya, it's costs way more than what we are paying now. Worth it.

I bought green tea before work and they had a sample drink out. "It's iced mocchachino frappachino." said the cashier or flavoured caffeine engineer or whatever it is they are called by their capitalist devil masters. I said, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Because I have a compulsive potty mouth and because it just sounded like a joke to me. He was french-french and not quebec french so he replied. "No, I am not keeddding." with a puzzled and slightly hurt look in his eyes. Why would I question the integrity of his response on a matter so clearly evident and unremarkable, he seemed to wonder. Mocca-friggin-frappa-crappa-chino. Tasted good though. Maybe I'll go back and let him know it was fucking A.

So I'm pumped full of cafeine. Idea #1: Tofu dogs injected with caffeine = cafuweenies! Roasted, boiled or broiled, broasted, foiled or coiled, they are bursting with tofuey goodness and bustin' with wholesome caffeine energy potential! It's nature's way of honouring the new frontier of progress and taste!

I should not drink caffeinated beverages. I cannot hold my caffeine. I feel like a nervous ape with tourrette's syndrome. I wonder if Ms. Jane Goodall encountered any of those. I picture this one ape kinda living with her, sitting around at the table, one leg crossed over the other, tapping his fingers and nervously smoking a cigarette, with a shoulder tick, telling her in sign language that "he's not sure but he thinks the other apes might not respect him". And asking her if she minds if he takes the last pancake.

I've been listening to the Ricky Gervais show too much. All that talk of monkeys and freaks.

Holy crap, it's nearly lunch time. Corn on the cob, celery and carrots and scrambled tofu. The lunch of a champion! A satan-worshipping, hepped up on doofballs, potty-mouthed, work-slacking, moving to the country, champion!