Merry Chrimbus

Here's my favourite carol for this Chrimbus.

Donkey, excrete gold!

The title of my post came from an animated Chinese fable I rented from the library for the little man to watch. I didn't understand the moral of the story at all. Something must have been lost in the translation. Basically, some old farmer, who couldn't work anymore, was rewarded with a marvelous thing each day, by the stream he took a nap beside each afternoon. The objects all had special commands that would make them do wondrous things.

After getting his magical item, he would go to a wine stall in the market, give his object to the wine seller to hold for him and tell him not to say the magical phrase. Obviously, the wine seller would so totally say the magical phrase and switch the item for a matching, but magic-less item. Farmer dude would take it home to his wife, she'd get all stoked, and then it wouldn't work. He did it 4 times in a row, never learning from his mistake! In the end, the stream gave him a pumpkin that opened up and hurled sticks at the wine seller until he promised to give all the magic stuff back. What lesson is that? Be a dumbass and things will work out eventually?

In any case, I've got to hand it to the freaky creator of that fable for including the donkey, who with the command: "Donkey, excrete gold!", would do just that. He shit gold bars! They animated this event in full detail!

L dug it and wanted to watch it again, but I could only bear one viewing. He is into repetition. I've seen Charlie Brown Christmas and It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown about 76 billion times, since I got them for L in October. I must admit, I'm pleased with his taste for the Peanuts Gang. I approve.

I made him a very awesome advent calendar type thingy, of which I am quite proud. It's one of those things you make without really knowing how and then finish it and it kicks ass and you have no idea how you managed it or if you could ever do it again. I also styled him a matching Christmas stocking, because "I'm crafty, like ice is cold".



Each day has a little pocket for a wee gift like cheese crackers and mini tractors.

I wish I could accurately communicate how incredibly cute and hilarious L is, but words don't cut it. He's a wonder.



He's almost 23 months now. L talks like crazy with his hands flying all over the place, miming the ideas he can't quite cover with his vocabulary and adding sound effects to round out any misunderstandings. Asking for toast goes something like this: "Toast! Oh!" (Hand motion of pushing the toaster plunger handle thing down), "Kachunk!"(the sound of the toaster plunger handle thing being pushed down), and then a little celebratory dance. He's pretty much entertaining from waking to sleep, if not a little tiring sometimes. I don't have one one-hundredth of his energy. As soon as he comes in to get me up each morning, I get a hug and a kiss and then he takes my hand and says: "No sleep. Toys.", and off we go.

So Christmas is in two seconds. No snow. Looks like it could very possibly be a grey Christmas.

However, our tree looks great, T has 2 weeks off starting tonight and my gifts are done. I'm sick for the 85th time in 3 months, but you can't have everything. I wouldn't complain, even if you nicely asked me to.

Happy holidays and all that jazz. May your donkey excrete much gold.

Crackers!

It's like I've been allergic to writing for ages now. I'm not sure why, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact the my "K" key is broken and my ? key is gone entirely. Okay well, truthfully, that has nothing to do with it. I think it's more down to the fact that my days are just so full lately, with Leon, that when I get a breather, I tend to want to do nothing but lay back and be entertained by British comedians on youtube.

Leon will be 21 months tomorrow. He's learning fast and growing rapidly and very, very active, both physically and mentally. Kids! Park! Slide! Toys! Granmama! Granpapa! Car! Truck! Dog! These are some of his daily exclamations. Sometimes, they are to identify what he is seeing, sometimes they are commands to me to conjure one of them up for him."Running!", is another favourite word of his, which is always accompanied by a demonstration. "Jump! Jump! Boing, Boing." I don't know how he keeps up with that kind of energy when he refuses to eat anything except cheese, hummus, peanut butter and bread. On a good day, salmon and avacado. Actually, that's not such a bad diet really. Just needs a few more vegetables and fruit and I could market it. The Leon Plan.

Summer seemed endless in a bad, hot, humid, searingly bright, covered in sweat and sunscreen kind of way. It made me so grumpy. Now that it's fall, I curse if the temperature rises above 10. Seriously, I hate summer! I want weather in which I can wear a sweater and never once think I might need to take it off to be comfortable. And, AND! I want the sun behind a cloud damn it. I don't want to have to squint through my day. I (not so secretly) feel that people who say they love summer are cracked, which means most of the planet is cracked, annoyingly.Never mind that all now, because it is in fact, autumn and that is good. The leaves have turned quite vividly yellow and orange and red and night descends sooner, which makes me feel less like a freak when I'm ready for bed at 9pm. "Sleep. Shhhhhh." as Leon would say.

Oh, I know it's not all the Great Pumpkin and candy corn. Soon winter will come, with endless dark days and seven layers of clothing to get out the door and cold after cold after flu after cold. That's already started. Leon and I have been sick on and off for over a month now. Every time we contact other human offspring, boom, we are sick. Thank crackers for places where we can go play with other kids though. I'd go mental trying to entertain Leon on my own all day. I guess, way back, in the olden days don't you know, such things were not needed as kids could play with their fourteen brothers and sisters and their ten thousand cousins. Leon has neither! Poor guy. Oh, I could change that for him you say? I barely have the energy to read a book at the end of the day. Imagine adding a brand new baby to the mix. Aye crackers!

I have just now, after using crackers twice as an exclamation, decided that I must settle on and integrate some replacement words for profanities, which pour so easily from my mouth. The problem is that they are starting to come out of Leon's mouth. I could have swore, no pun intended, that I heard him say "Jesus......christ", while waiting for the elevator with me the other day. At first, I thought he was just admiring cheese out loud again, until I heard the christ bit follow after.So I'll have to try out some new ways to be verbally annoyed, that will not transfer to Leon and have him end up perpetually in the principal's office when he starts school.

Crackers will not be one of the replacement words though, because I need to be able to type it as well and there's this issue with my damn K key...I'll work on it and get back to you.

Elvis Costello and me, best buds.

For some reason, I just don't want to have type out this experience because I just won't be able to do it justice. I saw Elvis Costello, FINALLY and he played old songs and I got to dance on stage and it was awesome and pivotal and totally effing cool. Yay for random luck! I am the purpley blue blur on the left in the far away videos and in behind the two people in the close up video that they took. Arg is all I have to say about not having my own camera. Dude played for nearly 3 hours. His suit was actually dripping and soaked by the end of the night, from top to bottom. Really outstanding.









SET LIST:

I Hope You’re Happy Now

Heart of The City

Mystery Dance

Uncomplicated

Radio Radio

Everyday I Write The Book

Joanna

Turpentine

Long Honeymoon

I Want You

Beyond Belief

Big Tears

Shabby Doll

Leave My Kitten Alone

Living In Paradise

Spooky Girlfriend

Party Girl

Girls Talk

Girl

Alison/Tracks Of My Tears/Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Somewhere

Stations of the Cross

Shipbuilding

ENCORE:

A Slow Drag With Josephine

For More Tears

Earthbound

(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding

I Don’t Want To Go To Chelsea

Waiting For The End of The World

I Can Only Give You Everything

Pump It Up/Purple Rain

Man Out Of Time

I Hope

Just sayin'...

I haven't written for ages. I don't have anything terribly new or groundbreaking to say about being a mom and I'm mostly too busy to hang out on the computer much. I did want to say this though:

There has been changes over the past year. Leon is growing, we live in a nice new place, T is finished working on his masters from home and is now happily at work in a workplace.

I'm a full on stay at home mom now. I wondered what it would be like. Even though T was working from home, he was still there and still available if needed. I wondered how I would do when it was just Leon and me all day. I've been doing it for a while now and I know now, what it's like.

It's like this: For the first time in my life, I am able to say that there is nothing, not one single thing in my wildest imagination that I would rather be doing. I think Leon is the most amazing, beautiful, incredible person in the history of time and I want to put it out there that I am incredibly grateful and appreciative of whatever circumstance of design or random luck that led me to what my life is now which is being with him, helping him learn about the world, watching him grow and learning who he is. Everyday is a revelation. Everyday I'm in love and I feel like the luckiest person on the planet.

I get tired waking up early, I wonder what to make for meals, I wonder what to do on rainy, hot or snowy days, I think sometimes that I might not be able to read Go Dog GO for the 8 millionth time, but I look at Leon's smile and his sparkling eyes and his little hand on my hand, guiding it down to the book and it's all so easy because I love him like crazy.

I can't keep life in a bottle so that nothing will ever change. Who knows what's to come. Right now is something I can and want to be in one hundred percent in a way that I've not really known before. It's a huge gift and this way of being in the present and loving someone so much is something that I hope Leon can have through his life.

He's so full of pure joy, just pure unadulterated joy for all the smallest things in life. He's full of pure trust and love. He's full of desire to learn and explore. And he is loved deeply. Being witness to these thing in Leon has changed how I see life. I can't really even say how lucky I feel about that.

So you see? Nothing said here is anything that hasn't been said before by mothers throughout history. What is new, is that it's me saying it and I'm glad to be able to.

Double horns rating

The longer I go without writing a post, the more I feel I have to wait till I have something REALLY interesting to say. That could take YEARS! So, instead, I'll just tappity tap tap a little something less than phenomenal.

So what's new, what's new, let's see. I've had a few versions of a cold or flu or hybrid of the two for about a month now. Just keeps evolving and trucking on through my sinuses and what have you that can collect and contain phlegm. Leon too. Poor guy. Didn't stop him from frequently getting his groove on and his step on. Heck yeah the dude can walk now. More like run. He's not one hundred percent devoted to it as a mode of transportation, but I can see it growing on him.

Our new apartment has turned out to be a good choice. Big, clean, quiet and dishwasher has entered my top five inventions of the world. I refuse to wash dishes ever again. NEVER do you hear me?? I'm not a fan of dish washing. Nope sirs. So awesome points to our new kitchen for having a dishwasher.

Our bedroom closet is large enough to be it's own little room. I dig it. I dig having an elevator too. Better than hauling a stroller up with a 22 pound Leon in it for 2 flights of stairs like in our last place. We give our new place a thumbs up. I'd even say we would throw double horns for this place. Ozzy rules!

On the weather front, I just know that soon, it will be brutally hot and humid so I'm not fretting too much about the odd amount of rain and gray skies and one digit temperatures. Ah southern Ontario: Freezing winter and blazing summer and nothing in between. Unfortunately, the in between parts are the ones I prefer (said the actress to the bishop).

I just trailed off and stared into space for a few minutes...I've not been sleeping well lately. Leon has been doing a great job, in his own room (woot woot!), of sleeping 11 hours straight, but is his mama? Heck no. She's taking hours to fall asleep and waking up every 2 seconds. Who knows why. Stupid brain. I think it's just going to take a few years for my body to get back to being able to relax all night.

Speaking of which. I think it's time to hit the hay since I'm not really thinking in coherent sentences anymore. I have to keep stopping and staring at the wall to figure out what I'm trying to say.

Ok, yep. Over and out for now.

A break from it all

I think this might be my most favourite website ever.
http://www.sleeveface.com/

Movin' and groovin'

My blog used to be so much more funny when I was working and trying to kill time and amuse myself by writing about all the nutcases (myself included) out and about in "corporate" Montreal. What a laugh. For some reason, it's hard for me to take anything seriously about Montreal. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just the vibe of the place that everyone would rather be out at a bar instead of running businesses or maintaining infrastructure or what have you. It's like it's always 4:30 pm on a Friday in Montreal- that time when people are still technically on the job but they are eying the clock and cleaning up their desk and about to get the hell out and have a drink.

Toward the end of living there, it was starting to drive me nuts, but now I kind of miss it.

I am hell of ready for spring. We are moving again. Yep. After less than a year of moving across a province with a 6 month old, we are doing it again in April with a 14 month old. It's good though. 2 bedroom, dishwasher, renovated, one of those cool red lamps in the bathroom like they have at some hotels...they had me at dishwasher to be honest. Gawd I hate washing dishes. The only thing I hate more than washing dishes in drying them. P'tooey.

So we will have to endure another few weeks of box hell with all the packing and unpacking crap, but ultimately (she said hopefully, thinking: for jeebus sake, let this place work out for us) it's for the common good of our wee family. Feel free to send us good vibes on that issue.

The sky is white, the ground is covered with wet snow and the rain/mist is freezing. Quite gross and really, I am done with winter. I want to see sidewalk, sun and hatless, scarfless people. Are you feelin' me?

In Leon news. He's learned to hug and it's probably the cutest damn thing I have ever seen in my life.



T gave me a hug yesterday and Leon watched then hugged himself. Then we gave him his elephant and he hugged him/her. Totally awesome. I wish I could get him to dance more too. He's very particular about what makes him throw his hands in the air and bounce on his knees and sing:laa la laa laaa. Sometimes it's a snippet of classical music on the radio, sometimes it's Elvis Costello and often it's the theme song for Passe Partout.

I was never one for dancing, but I am so going to instill a morning mom and son dance freak-out as soon as he is into it. Then, when he's 13 and wants to barf at the thought that he even has a mom because it's so lame man, I will chase him around and shout: C'mon son! Let's have a dance freak-out like we used to! and he'll shout back: MOM! GROSS!(or the future vernacular equivalent) and run to his room and slam the door. Then I'll ask him through his door if he remembers when I was potty training him and would say: Potty time, excellent- like a play on the Wayne's World theme and he'll say: what the hell is Wayne's World?

Who knows, maybe he will be one of those kids that is so genuinely cool, he will never lose his taste for being silly. I wish I could say that I had been one of those kids, but I most certainly was not. The awkward teenage angst is practically gushing like blood from an open artery when you look at the photographs taken of me back then. Poor me and poor anyone who had to deal with me!

Well. Leon is with the grandparents for the afternoon, but he'll be home soon and dinner must be concocted, so a few more Elvis Costello videos on youtube and then back to being a parent.

Nursing: A tribute.

I know a lot of people, don't "get" breastfeeding. I didn't before I started either.

I remember, in the early days of breastfeeding, I thought I would feel victorious when I finally made it to the "finish line". At first, I thought it would be miraculous to make it to 6 months. Around 3 months, I started having so much trouble with supply and felt like if I managed to breastfeed him for one more day, it was the best I could hope for. I lived day by day like that for a few weeks and it got easier and worked better and I made it to 6 months and then 7 months. Around 8 months, it started getting difficult again, one side stopped working, the other side was painful as all hell, but I kept going and low and behold I found myself at 10 months. It seems funny to me now, that I never thought I would make it that far.

Around this time, Leon started to nurse for less time and even started dropping a feeding here and there. I went with the flow and ended up at 11 months, down to only one feeding at night. I held on to that feeding longer than he really showed interest in it because I realized, now that I'd come all this way, the end of breastfeeding didn't really seem like the end of a race or a challenge anymore. It had become my way of life with Leon and a really important part of our relationship. The bond is not something you can explain in words, or at least, I can't do it justice.

When I finally reached the point where I knew nursing was soon to end, it felt so sad to look down at him and think: this could be the last time ever this will happen. Some women go on to nurse for years, most, in north america stop before 4 months... every woman has her own story and experience. I wasn't expecting to feel so sad. I thought I would feel more like I had attained a goal, but having done it for x amount of time ended up being meaningless. What mattered was the feeling of having such a close tie to Leon growing up. What mattered was how much of myself I gave to him. Everything I went through was worth it.

I see him eating food with his own hands now and wanting to break out on his own. He's just going to keep growing and learning and it's exciting and amazing to think about, but also, I already miss him being just a little baby Leon. I know, I'll feel like this for the rest of my days. Each new milestone will be a mix of pride and sadness at letting go.

About a week before his first birthday, we nursed for the last time. He hasn't asked for it since. I would have relented if he had. I still would. I miss it. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have tried to keep it going, but I guess it felt like standing outside of school for his first day and not letting go of his hand as he pulled away to go see what was in store for him. I don't know if every woman has such melancholy. My nursing mentor said it was very common to go through all the stages of grief about it. No one ever told me about that. Not that it would have changed me wanting to nurse, but maybe I would have been more mindful while it was happening.

I miss nursing. I am grieving. At the same time though, I am really proud of myself for having done my best job. I don't think I've ever been as devoted and steadfast about anything else in my life. I can see why some women don't want to do it, it can be really tough. I can also see why some women do it for years. It's an amazing and deeply moving shared experience in giving and receiving care between a mother and child. Nursing is food, it's closeness, it's comfort... It's a profound experience to be able to provide all of those things to your child in such a basic way.

I feel lucky to have had this experience and I will save it in my heart and mind as a special part of Leon's infancy. So here I go Leon, letting go just a little bit, but only the act of nursing is lost. All of the love behind it is still here and overflowing and that will never stop.

The L dude kicks it one year style.

Man, it's been ages since we posted photos of Leon and we have about seven million of them to go through and put online. A daunting task. I'll post some here in the meantime.

Tomorrow, Leon will be one year old. One year! One year ago, as of right now, I was at the Maison de naissance, with my water having broke and contractions just mildly beginning, happy that I wasn't at the hospital. That changed over the course of the next 20 hours and we ended up transferring to the hospital with the old c-section deali-o, so it's not the most fairy tale birth memory, but I sure was glad he was born when he was finally out. 42 weeks we waited with baited breath and then, there he was-complete and awesome.

He has remained thus ever since and will continue to be completely awesome I suspect. Even though he's starting to learn to demand things and man oh man does he have will. He balances his bossiness with a dazzling smile, a hearty laugh, an ability to dance and sing on his knees with his hands in the air like he just don't care and a charming way of smooshing his face into me when he's tired. Plus oh ma gawd, cute? Hell yes!

Happy Birthday Leon Faraday. Many, many more.

And soon, we will post the rest of the photos from the past few months.








Watching Passe Partout don't ya know.

New year, new beer. 'Clink'

New year, new beer. That's the saying I just made up. I don't drink beer, but I like to picture myself clinking an old-style stubby bottle and flashing a sly smile under my handle bar mustache as I say it.

I've never been much for celebrating New Year's Eve. The day after Christmas I just feel like the party is over and it's back to the same old same old.

This Christmas sort of blew. I was sick, T was sick, Leon was sick. I even spent Christmas Eve in the hospital (thankfully only for a couple of hours) to get some drugs for an ear infection that was most brutal.

To be honest, it's been sort of a rough month. I think I'm feeling caged in by the winter. Not as easy to just pop Leon in a stroller and get out and about. Life sort of seems to be just drifting by as of late. Lots of days, on the floor, looking at the same toys.

The contrast is that Leon is getting so much more mature. He points, he waves his arms victorious when he's pleased, he bounces when he's excited and he babbles away like crazy. We still haven't taught him to sleep fully through the night...we are such scaredy cats about it. He's just so willfull. If he wants something, man oh man, look out. I do believe I was much the same so in my face eh?!

Our little one-bedroom is feeling way too little now that L is moving around more. We'll need to make a move when we can. T is still toiling away on his masters. He would really, really, really like to be done and I don't blame him. We are all 3 of us up each others butts everyday and we are all a little snakey from it. Spring will be welcome, but it's still a ways off.

So the new year begins, sort of grey and cold and poopy, but it's stretching out, unwritten with potential to be good right? Let's hope so for all of us, including you, dear reader.