So thanks to the supportive comments of my aunt on that last depressed post. Low really feels low when it happens, but I'm not always there. It's a real roller coaster ride. Lately, I've been managing better. My therapist gave me a list of negative thinking patterns associated with depression and out of 13, I do every single one of them every single day. Just having them pointed out helped. I'm more aware when I'm saying or doing something that it's the negative way of seeing things and not the only way of seeing things.
Therapy talk aside...
The season sure is changing quick. The leaves have nearly all turned colour. And just tonight, I was looking out the kitchen window for a bit of head space, when I noticed the geese flying in formation. At our last place, in our little shack on the river, I was very attuned to season changes from the earliest moments. Autumn was cemented and fully in force when the geese all took leave from the river. It was a front row seat from our living room with the patio doors out onto the water. I miss that view. It caught me off guard when I looked out tonight, in the middle of the city, with the apartment buildings and cars and traffic lights, to be reminded of the signs of nature as a flock of geese flew high up in the pink and red sunset. I don't notice the natural world now, like I did back at the old place.
What I do notice is Leon. He has two teeth jauntily jutting forth from his bottom gums. He officially went from commando style dragging to full fledged, cruising around crawling about a week ago. His obsession now is standing. He jams his head into either T or I and uses us as a cushy ledge to push against to raise himself up to standing. Once up, he exclaims triumphantly, twists around, crouches down and starts all over again. We went from playing in one place on a mat, to needing some serious baby-proofing, in the blink of an eye.
He's eating 3 solid meals a day now too, in addition to nursing. Today he had lentils, hummus, squash, zucchini, yam and some omelet. He's eating better than I am! Our freezer is full of little cubes of vegetables for him. I personally can't wait till he can chew anything and eat all sorts of new stuff.
Thanksgiving is nearly here... I can't believe how each day seems to go by slowly, yet the months are hurtling past somehow. Before I know it, Christmas will be here and then in January, L will be a year old. Too insane. This time last year, I was glowing skinned and shiny haired, with L doing karate kicks into my ribs inside me. I was wondering how it would all turn out. I played mahjong and dominoes and scrabble with T every night and watched movies and read during the day and knew my life was going to change, but I just couldn't comprehend how. I tried to know, but now I know for real and I know there's sooo much more to know ahead of me too. One year later, everything is different than it ever was my whole life before L and it will always be this new way. The new way of having a child and ALWAYS thinking of them, always always, always.
Seasons, cycles, growth and change: Unstoppable forces of nature y'all. Whether witnessed first hand, or through a window, it's a roller coaster round and round, up and down.
