Don't aint be merry.

We did it. We packed and closed up our house in one day. A fun filled day of no arguing or stress (lie). It's done, we are in K-dub and onward ho. (who you callin a ho, ho?)

Christmas eve day and I'm listening to New Order and Sesame Street Fever, eating cookies and wrapping gifts. I'm also rapping gifts. Bustin' out some sweet little freestyles for my homies (more lies).

I will try to gain at least 10 pounds so that I'll have a challenge of more weight to lose in California. Eating cookies and drinking myself sick on eggnogg is a chore but it must be done if I want to meet my goals of not fitting into my pants by New Year's. Goals are important.

Happy Holidays suckas! I pity the fools that ain't be merry!

Purple monkey dishwasher

This morning, since the ladies sitting near me on the train were screaming at the top of their lungs, well, ok they were just talking loud, I decided I might as well practice my french listening skills. From what I could understand, one of them was talking about someone who died in their sleep. Except she kept giggling so maybe I misunderstood? I distinctly heard, translated of course, "...feel asleep and just didn't wake up." Then, right after that, from what I understood, she spoke of someone who "glided" on the karate mat and now is paralyzed and that they are hoping they will get their feeling back but don't know. Except again, she kept giggling. Probably I missed a key word somewhere or something so I decided to tune them out and listen to the English people behind me instead. They were talking about some elderly lady who had died at the Christmas party but no one knew for a long time because they thought she was sleeping. "Ah hah!", I thought, they must have all gone to the same party! Maybe this woman had been to karate class before this bilingual Christmas party, paralyzed in a chair from "gliding" on the karate mat and fell asleep and died. Makes perfect sense. I am good at french.

Note to self: shut-up brain.

Quebec is testing the limits of my winter coat today. My coat is loyal and true up to -20 degrees Celsius. Below that, my coat is all: "I'm leaving, I need to find myself". It's -23 with the windchill today. I'm feeling sorry for myself with my cramps clouding my judgement. Should I punch that stranger in the head because I just don't like their face or should I curl up in a ball in a corner somewhere and cry for 10 hours? Should I eat that chocolate that my colleague gave me even though it will make my cramps worse or should I eat it even thought it will make my cramps worse? (notice there is no other option in this case)

I'm just not playing enough scrabulous these days. That's probably my real problem.

You know, I am really bad at seeing the bright side and letting go of worry and just enjoying stuff. I really, really suck at that and I really wish I didn't. Somewhere along the way, I must have learned that if I don't worry, stuff will go to shit. Is that true? Probably was at some point but not anymore. Must learn new way to think. Note to self.

Snakes on rye

Alright so the freak out has been somewhat quelled. Starting to sort of sleep again. Feeling less like a rabbit in the fox part of town. Holy snakes on rye though, is it ever cold! Real christmasy, not like that fake ass winter we had last year where it didn't even start until february. Christmas without snow is incorrect. So at least there's no worry of that this year.

Man, my brain is so full of the lists of all the little things to do I don't even think I could type a blog without turning it into another list of things to do:
-buy candy and eat candy
-pack all the cutlery in case there is none in California
-wash the windows with a toothbrush meticulously for no good reason
-battle the darklord

See now, this is just going nowhere...

Freak out, uh huh, flash flash flash.

I am the official owner of a ticket to California. A jet plane ticket don't you know. I only hyper-ventilated for 3 days before and after the purchase of said ticket. My heart rate is almost less than that of a pig in a frying pan now.

I don't adapt well to change. Easy and going are two words that are never used in consecutive order when describing me. I'm not sleeping in fact. I don't lie awake with specific worries, just a racing heart and a brain that keeps jerking me back to crouched, conscious readiness. Waiting to spring from attacking tigers or what have you. Useful when you are spending a night in a jungle but no so useful when tucked in to your queen sized Ikea bed and your alarm will be ringing in 2 hours and you've already been up for 3. Deep inhalation, deep exhalation...and tense up, I mean RELAX DAMN YOU! Not you, me...

Er, so anyway, I leave for Ontario in 2 weeks from which point I will then have 2 weeks to relax over christmas and new years and then fly fly fly and hopefully not die die die to California. I leave 2 WEEKS!!!!??? It's all a blur and I have accomplished nothing other than buying a ticket which is a good start I guess. Still have to pack, close up the house(drape everything in sheets like they do in the movies and put out mice, squirrel, raccoon, skunk and bison traps. I sure as shit don't want to come home to a colony of mice procreating on the floor and bison hanging out on the couch watching PBS (bison are a lot more cultured than you'd expect). I also have to ensure that my landlord won't slough off the duty of house checking onto my permanently stoned and drunk neighbour or the other morphine addicted neighbour. Not that I think substance abusers don't make great house sitters but...Actually I don't think they make great house sitters, or neighbours. And they hate me so...what was my point? My point is I'm paranoid about various issues and doing little about it. YES! Proactive!

Man, I don't know. I need to just chill out. I'm trying. I considered the old frying pan to the head the trick a couple nights ago but I think I'm working out some better ways. I hope.

Apples and ink.

Have I already mentioned how changing to a new ink colour for my pen can totally refresh me for at least a few days. It's that easy. Actually this new one with the grape purple flow ink has enthralled me for an entire week now. That's the sort of complex, sophisticated lady I am.

If you live in Canada, you will also be up to your hips in snow. It hit like a barn owl on speed last night. We live at the bottom of a steep hill so when the snow blows, it all piles up in front of our house. It insulates well but if you have to actually leave the house, you are thigh deep in snow. Pictures to be added soon. Check back in a couple of days.

Speaking of cameras, jesus on a cracker do I ever wish I had mine at the grocery store yesterday. There was this kid. This totally weird 10 year old girl wearing what looked like her grandmothers fur jacket. It was so obviously an old lady fur coat. Hip length, puffy shoulders, full on fur, long fur. Her glasses were steamed up and her nose was dripping while she furiously tried to unwrap her chocolate bar with her ski mitts still on, she was outside in the parking lot you see. If that wasn't enough of a sight. We noticed she had some odd contraption that she was sitting on and pushing around. It was a walker with skis attached. It is so obvious that someone old died in her family and her parents figured, well, what the hell, might as well make some toys out of granny's worldly posses ions. Or maybe the kid specifically requested this contraption be made for her. Either that kid is going to grow up and be the coolest gal ever or she will live alone with 43 cats and eat Kraft dinner from a fishbowl everyday.

I have a favourite brand of apple. I discovered it when they handed them out for free at the building I work at. It was the best apple ever. T went shopping that weekend and just happened to get the same kind but didn't pay attention to what kind he got. So now I have to try every apple available. Because I am not very bright, I just realized this by the way, I have been buying 3 or 4 apples each week, to try to find it. Why I am dumb is because I buy 3 or 4 of the same kind per week instead of buying 3 or 4 different apple types. If I did that, I could find the right one faster. It's not Macintosh, nor Gala. It might be Spartan or Empire....the quest continues.